I was in the middle of a counselling session with a pair of chihuahuas the other day when I was suddenly struck by inspiration. An inconvenient time for it to strike, if I’m honest… I’m also furiously scribbling notes on the subject of Mr Bumkins constantly getting carsick, causing a strain on his marriage to Fifi Fontaine, who liked to sit in her owner’s lap during car journeys anyway. I had no time to write other notes, but fortunately, I remembered it next time I got into my car: I need a car.

No, not like that: a company car. Like, one with my logo and phone number on it! That’ll be a great way to get my name out there. Daddy knows all of the great car mechanics open now in Bendigo, because his business is… something to do with cars. Anyway, I’ll never need to worry about keeping my company car in great shape. It’ll need to be something with lots of space, because currently, I have trouble fitting in the dogs AND the cats AND the stick insects when we go down the beach on the weekends. Brenda and Steven are happy in the boot, but Jeremy and Sarah like to roam around, and I just don’t think its very safe to have them walking around the car while I’m driving. Travis and Murphy are alright; they can’t actually leave their travel case, so I’m happy just putting a seat belt around them.

I think having a well-maintained car, with animal facilities that keep them safe in transit, will send a powerful message that I truly care, regardless of the animal size. People will ask questions- “Excuse me madame, but why do you have a special seat belt for your stick insects and another one for your cats? And is that car truly roadworthy?”- and I will have the answers.

“Oh yes, there are some wonderful car mechanics who helped me with the customisation, and I can confirm that I passed the VicRoads roadworthy check. Say, my fine fellow, have you heard of pet counselling? It’s more common than you think!”

Boom, networking! Um… I think that’s what networking is…