S: woah, what is this place?? Some sort of forum for old people to hang out, whingeing about how much their arms hurt? yikes, the internet sure has gone down the Tubes since we let you people on it!

A: Now, young man, if you haven’t anything nice to say, then you should simply say nothing at all.

S: Oii, granddad, do i come onto your internet and tell you how to live your life??!?

A: But that’s exactly what you did!

D: Don’t listen to him, Arthur, he’s what the kids call a “goblin”, I believe.  

S: i reckon you mean troll, nan, l.o.l

D: Don’t listen, he’s goblining us.

A: Why are you even here? Don’t you have anything better to do?

D: Did we get rid of him?

A: We??

S: nah, i’m still here 

D: Well, young man?

S: i guess, i just found you lot because me nan – me actual nan, not you, nan – she needs a one of them shoulder replacement things you lot are always going on about 

A: A shoulder arthroplasty?

S: right, yeah, one of those

D: It’s okay to be scared, love.

S: just ever since she saw that shoulder injury specialist near Melbourne i’ve been super worried about her.

A: I’m sure she’s getting the best possible treatment. They’re pretty good over there in Melbourne.

S: thanks, it’s just…i’m worried, because she’s so old, y’know?

D: Wait a second – Simon?!

S: nan?!

A: Oh boy.

D: So old, am I?

S: wait, youre like for real my nan?

D: I was there when the doctor slapped life into you, young man, and I’m more than willing to slap it right back out the next time I see you!

A: Definitely sounds like your nan, son.

S: nan what are you even doing on the internet, i thought you hated the computer?!?

D: And you’ve just reminded me why!

D has left the chat.