I’m starting to wonder if I’m limiting myself by getting my own office. Like, an office that sits in one place and doesn’t move. Animals just aren’t like us, you know; they have a variety of needs, and I’d like to meet those needs where they feel comfortable. If I’m trying to match-make a group of fish, I shouldn’t demand they be brought to me in a tank! I need to get down to their level…somehow.

If that means scuba diving in some respect, then that’s the level of service I’m determined to provide. Only the best for Yappily Ever After.

I mean, I’ve given it a go. Last week I hired out a portable hyperbaric chamber so I could give counselling to an asthmatic ferret. Good thing it wasn’t an asthmatic Great Dane, or an asthmatic Highland cow, otherwise it would’ve been quite a tight squeeze. I don’t have much experience with ferrets, but I was moved by the fact that the owner had spent thousands of dollars on oxygen therapy for their ferret, who also happened to develop a stress-related eating disorder. 

I clambered inside this chamber, because that’s when Pumpernickel the ferret was most relaxed, and we had a good time figuring out what was causing him to stress eat. As is so often the case, he had problems with his self-image after seeing an attractive lady ferret, feeling insecure because she might not go for lazy ferret mates with asthma, and this led to a spiral of stress and depression, which in turn led to him eating a lot of junk food.

I think we addressed the root cause of the issue, but also, I’m thinking that my future van needs to be well fitted. I need Melbourne’s best portable hyperbaric chamber in there, for one thing. It’s a relaxing environment…for some animals. Unless they were having breathing difficulty, I’d never bring, say, a cat inside there for counselling. That would result in more stress and a lot of scratches for me.