I was lying awake last night, thinking about pet podiatry, and the words combined in my head, into ‘pet-diatry’. Then I realised that, even if I gained some kind of qualification that meant I could offer podiatry services to pets, people could never take me seriously because they’d think I was offering diet services to pets and I’d just spelt it horribly wrong.
And then I thought…wow! I could offer pet dieting services. And podiatry. And pet community housing! I could have an empire of pet services! Well, someday.
I’d like to start with the podiatry. Here in Melbourne, it’s all the rage…understandable, because people do like to use their feet to get around. But do you know who has double the amount of feet? Pets. Well…some pets. Most of them, actually, but bird and spider feet are still important too. Some spiders do develop walking problems in their teen years that can lead to an unusual gait, so they need eight special little custom orthotics to help correct this problem before it gets worse. And according to my research, owls have a tendency to develop toenail fungus in the same way that humans sometimes do…and who’s helping the owls? Who exists to treat the owls, I ask you?
Well, apart from vets, but they’re not a specialised service, and thanks to Medicare, the vet industry is often overworked and can’t make time for specific things like podiatry. Something has to be done, and that something…is me.
I mean, that someone…is me. I have to be done.
Nope, one more go…something has to be done. And I will do that something! Feet everywhere deserve to be cared for by semi custom orthotics. All living creatures deserve to walk around on feet or talons or paws that are free from pain. Next to marital bliss, this is now my greatest mission.