Note from Ashleigh: This isn’t the normal kind of thing I would post on my website, but I was contacted by the team at Not Flicks with an opportunity to generate some traffic here by promoting season two of Australia’s Next Top Office. So, without further ado, I’ll hand this over to Space Wizard to introduce himself!

I just speak into this magic stick and the words appear on the magic paper machine? Yeah. Wow, you humans really have worked out how to function in a world lacking magic. Kudos to you, which is a phrase I literally just learned.

As Ash mentioned, I’m Space Wizard. I don’t know anything about Melbourne office interior fitouts, but I was asked if I wanted to join the next series of an entertainment program and design an office using my magic. Seeing as I’m not ready to return to my ten-thousand-year hibernation to complete an ancient ritual that will make me the ruler of the cosmos, I agreed.

I don’t know what an office is, nor a design, nor where Melbourne is, if it even is a place. I’m really not at all qualified to speak on the topic. At all. But the producers (is that right?) say that’s what will be so fun about it. Theoretically, it’s possible that I could be the best office space designer Melbourne has ever seen, yet I have no idea what I’m doing. Does that sound like something which would be interesting to watch?

Frankly, I don’t even understand the first thing about television. I’ve been told it’s a box that you sit in front of, much like this composter—computer—oh, computer. And then it shows you all these moving images? It’s quite fantastic that you can create such a thing without magic. Perhaps I should take electricity back to my home world.

I think that’s all I wanted to talk about. How do I turn this thing off? Press the button. What button? What’s a button? Is it this big red thing on the side that says, “self-destruct?” I think that’s it.