I wish I could report that things had changed since my last update. Unfortunately, they have not, and I’m still very much struggling with driving and anxiety in general. Even with exposure therapy, roadworthy certificates and many attempts at trying to become a more confident driver, I have made very little progress. I feel like a failure and like I’m never going to be a normal driver (or person). Normal people don’t struggle as much as I do. I often wonder if people secretly judge me for struggling to drive five minutes down the road. I couldn’t even drive to get my car serviced in Malvern yesterday. I had to get my car towed to the workshop. It was embarrassing.
I’m starting to think that maybe exposure therapy isn’t working. I feel like I’m potentially going backwards trying to do it because I’m forcing myself into all these situations where I make mistakes because I’m too nervous. I’ve tried telling the people closest to me that it’s not working and is potentially sending me backwards, but everyone keeps telling me to keep at it. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to keep at it without having a mental breakdown.
I wasn’t able to park in my usual spot the other day and so I had to do a three-point turn to turn around and find another parking spot. Obviously, my anxiety was through the roof and I stuffed up and misjudged the turn. I ended up softly hitting a wall and taking off the paint from the front of my car. Now my car only starts sometimes, I need to talk to an auto electrician . South Yarra, which is where the accident happened was too far from my mechanic for me to get to without crying, which is why I got my car towed.
This is the type of thing that wouldn’t phase a normal person, but I cried for hours because of it. I’m still upset.