Now I’m getting requests to take my business out to sea. Oh dear. 

We used to go boating as a family, of course, but we only really know one sort of boating, and that’s the type where you’ve got an extremely large cruise ship with hundreds of people, and restaurants, and swimming pools, and special event nights.

I suppose that’s not ‘boating’ specifically, as it is simply inhabiting a boat for a certain amount of time while having no control over its destination.

I just met with some clients who want to join their two turtles in holy matrimony. They admire the work of good outboard motor servicing companies, Melbourne being ‘the place’ for it, and they also feel strongly that their turtles – Hildegard and Limbourg – should be wed in their ancestral territory. And that’s a lovely gesture, it really is! I couldn’t agree more as well. Animals have a special connection to their territory, so the idea of them being wed on a boat (perhaps even a glass-bottomed boat, if I can swing it) would be a wonderful expression of love, and one that their humans can participate in as well.

But I don’t have any boat connections. How do you book boats? CAN you book boats? Or do you just buy a boat, then find a fault and return it later if you don’t want it forever? I’m guessing that maybe you could hire someone to captain the boat, because we’re certainly going to need one of those. Okay, first step: find the best boat mechanics within Melbourne. They might just do servicing and all that, but they can point me in the right direction! Hopefully! 

In the meeting I just smiled and said that it wasn’t a problem: we’ll have all the regular ceremony, adjusted as per usual to the type of animal, and it’ll be on a boat for sure! Yes, for sure… oh golly, I never expected people to deviate so much, but I’m trying to offer amazing customer service so I just said yes.